Frustrating Realizations
by numbdumblady
Summary: We can have anything, but not everything..... each chapters are not related to each other....
1. Chapter 1

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I would like to thank my classmate xpaul_13 for forwarding me a text message that inspired me for writing these stories.

i don't own code geass...ok!

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**Frustrating Realizations**

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_**You found the perfect love but in the wrong time**_

"Class dismissed"

The whole class gets off their seats immediately to have their lunch. Then a green-eyed guy stood up his seat.

"Kallen, let's talk."

Blue orbs met with green ones. Determination is in his green eyes, hesitation is with the blue.

Kallen looked behind her. Her eyes met with a purple-eyed guy, asking permission.

"I'll wait you at the cafeteria in five minutes." Lelouch told her, as if answering her silent question. Ten he left the classroom.

The next minute was a numbing silence. Then Suzaku broke it.

"I saw it on the television yesterday. How come you were my girlfriend last week then the next you were engaged with a Britannian Prince?"

She used all her strength to refrain herself from crying.

"I'm sorry"

"I thought you liked me." His voice was full of accusations. How come he could never get angry with this girl.

Kallen's eyes remained fixed with her desk. Guilt was written all over her face.

"It was an arranged marriage that I cannot say no. my family is in deep debt with the royal family that our remaining assets won't be enough to settle it. Then the emperor talked to my father about it last month and bargained him about the marriage. He instantly said yes. It was his dream to become a part of the royal family. When he discussed it with me last week, l cried in front of him and told him about us. But he won't listen. When I calmed down, he told me about our financial situation and felt guilty. You know my mother situation, and I can sacrifice myself for her full recovery."

Suzaku listened to her very carefully. He did not even say a single word. She then continues,

"When Lelouch and I talked yesterday in the engagement party, he told me that he was the one who suggested the arrangement to his father. And he was so happy when his father agreed with him. I cannot complain with his treatment with me. He was a perfect gentleman. But if you want the truth, I'd still prefer you ten times over him. It's just that we were not meant to be."

Then her phone rang. It was Lelouch. Reminding her that he was still waiting for her in the cafeteria.

'I have to go. I've told you everything about the engagement. He's waiting for me."

She was about to get out the room when he pulled her to his arms.

"Please stay still, for the last time." He pleaded.

After a few moments, he let her go. She knows it is goodbye. Then she went out of the room. Knowing it also means getting out of his life, his heart, his love.


	2. Chapter 2

i don't own code geass....and thanks xpaul_13

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Chapter 2:_** "You find the perfect person, but he/she is not in love with you."**_

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Kallen stares to her newly born son. Her yes misty of happiness, and sadness as well. The child definitely got his looks from his father – Suzaku Kururgi.

"You really look like your father. Your hair, your nose, your lips and even your complexion. But your eyes are is as blue as mine. Only, mine is bigger."

"I can see too that you're a strong child just like your father. And maybe someday, you'll be a member of the Knights of Rounds like him."

"I promise to take good care of you. The way I'm taking care of your father. I'll be just beside you when you need me. I'll teach you to speak. I'll help you when you're learning to walk. I'll help you stand when you fall. I'll teach you to write, to read, to count and to draw. I won't laugh when you color the dog blue or the cat green. You will be as smart as I am when I was in Ashford. I won't sleep till you're home."

Her tears are falling endlessly. And she doesn't understand why her tear ducts won't dry. And even the serene look of her baby won't help to calm her.

"Will you eat the food that I've prepared? Will you kiss me goodbye when you left the house? Will you smile me back when I welcome you home? Will you wear the clothes that I've bought for you? Will you comfort me when I'm sad?" she wiped the tears that were blinding her. "Will you love me back the way your father never did?"

"Your father always thought you were brought to us by an accident. But for me, you will never be just a mere accident. God gave you to me. You were His gift. To give light to this lonely life that I've chosen. To have someone to love me in return.

"Your mother was so selfish to have your father chained in this marriage. That day, I was the happiest person in the world. And he was the otherwise. Since then, he had always hated me. And I have to accept it for it was my punishment.

I know that when you got married in the future, you and your bride will be the happiest couple on Earth. Please don't make her wait in the restaurant till it closes. Because I know the feeling. And it really hurts me inside when your father did it. That night, I walked home, alone and crying. Don't drop her calls. Don't shout at her. Don't make her cry. Love her endlessly, unselfishly.

"But for now, I'll have to be contented with what your father can give." She said with the loneliest smile on her face. "Maybe someday...he'll smile for me. Just one smile. Someday."


	3. Chapter 3

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It's been months since my last update…! I really got so busy with my studies especially with our feasibility study. All my writing capabilities are used in that subject ass well as my expertise in business. Well, this chapter 3 is not related to any of the previous chapters of this fanfic…and was written during the time when our manuscript for the feasib is to be submitted the next day and I don't have a computer for me to use because of the recent typhoons here….hahaha!

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Chapter 3: You found the perfect love, but you must be loyal to someone else.

Kallen is lying on her bed inside her room in the Black Knights Headquarters. Inside her mind was the previous battle that happpend just a few hours ago.

Their battle was so intense that they almost killed each other. She lost her control, and so he was. Why the battle got into that point, she had no idea. Maybe, it's because of the revealed truth between them.

From out of nowhere, her phone rang. Her phone's screen shows who the caller is. It took her few seconds to decide to accept the call. Hesitating to talk to the caller.

Kallen: Hello… (She answered hesitantly).

Suzaku: You finally answer your phone. I've been trying to reach you these past few days. Wondering why you're not coming to school. (He is talking in his calmest and most tender voice.

Kallen: I've finally gathered enough courage to answer your call.

Suzaku: Why were you on the opposite side of the battlefield?

Kallen: I do not know either. It's just that I wanted to give my mother a fair world.

Suzaku: I've promised that to you, a year ago. Do you still remember?

A long silence followed. He almost thought their conversation is over. Then he heard her sobbing on the other end of the line.

Suzaku: Happy anniversary, Kallen…

Kallen: Happy anniversary, too. And I'm sorry. I know we've promised not to keep secrets to each other. But..

Suzaku: Would there still be next anniversary?

Again, a long silence followed.

Suzaku: Can you still go back to my side?

Kallen: I'm afraid it's too late. I've involved too deeply now. I'm his protector, his shield.

Suzaku: I won't tell anyone….

Kallen I'm really sorry. I've given him my loyalty.

Suzaku: Wasn't your loyalty not included the moment you decided to be my girlfriend?

Kallen: my loyalty towards him is same as your loyalty to your princess….

Suzaku: Will this our last time to celebrate our anniversary?

Kallen: I'll promise you my next ten lifetimes, but not this one. I'm really sorry.

Suzaku: I'll wait for you until the war is over.

Kallen: Will you? I cannot promise to be gentle on you in the battlrfield.

Suzaku: Me as well. I can't help it since it's my duty.

Another long silence followed in the air.

Suzaku: So, is this goodbye for good?

Kallen: Maybe…

Suzaku: Then, till next time…Goodby and…I love you.

The line was cut. He didn't even gave her the chance to say goodbye. She tried to sleep, even for just a while.. she feels really tired. Physically, mentally and emotionnaly.


End file.
